Just came back from a camp, wounded and with a head that’s spinning now.
Previously I didn’t talk much in the first camp bcos i thought It’s me who didn’t really made the effort to talk. But after this second camp, I found that it’s people or rather the environment that I’m not comfortable with.
I met people who despise Chinese so much, they think it’s not cool and even “bullied” a Chinese scholar in my group. I have met people who asked me if I’m local ( bcos I look like a cheena & sounded like one). I’ve met people who stereotype poly students as clubbers and was even asked “how often do I club”, I don’t even club please! And stop stereotyping poly students as bad guys!
Then I have facilitators who suggested to the group to bring alcohols into the camp. And yesterday night was filled with a whole lot of alcohols, people who got high on alcohols and danced on the “dance floor”. The room ( which is our sleeping area) turned to a club as the party rock songs were blasted in the room. The five of us who don’t drink and dance played cards, the only entertainment that we have at a corner, and were perceived as the unenthusiastics ones.
The most outrageous thing is that we have “leaders” calling us to pretend to be asleep as the heads are coming to do a headcount at 4am. As soon as the heads left, the room was once again filled with disturbing shrills, screams, girl puking, and guys calling out losers. Talk about poly students being the all-time clubbers, the kettle is obviously calling the pot black. However I was too worn out to even care about the noise and just doze off in my sleeping bag.
I can’t imagine how my first year will be like if I were to continuously meeting these kind of people in my class. I know I shouldn’t be apprehensive at this stage but judging from the majority, I’m worried.
I’ve tried hard to break out of my comfort zone by joining this camp, but I can’t adapt because I don’t do/ believe in the same way as them. Its in my personality traits and I can’t change the way I am behaving for the past twentyone years, can I?
Why is there always a struggle in being myself.
